This may be confusing, but there is two Mike's in this story, in case you were confused haha. I know it wasn't my best choice, but uh...it was in the moment, and I didn't look back. So yes, enjoy!
Seeing him was surreal, it felt like a dream. I was finally starting to get my life back on track, and he shows up. Now what was I supposed to do?
“Jules?” I was sitting on the floor of my best friend’s apartment, bawling my eyes out.
“What?” I huffed.
“What happened?” he asked kneeling down to my level.
“He’s here…in Montreal”
“What?”
“I saw him, right in front of my face Cams” I said, “What do I do now?”
He sat beside me and I just rested my head on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around me to keep me close to him. I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t know what was coming over me.
“You know, I was finally starting to feel better, I was getting over him, and then he shows up, just like that…”
“I know” he said quietly, kissing the top of my head.
My head was spinning in a million different directions, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t know what to say. I looked up at Mike and his dark eyes were full of concern, he was so worried about me.
“Jules…”
“Yah?”
His lips suddenly brushed against mine and my heart stopped. I had to admit, at this point any kind of attention felt good, and his lips on mine…felt even better.
“Whoa…” I said quietly.
“Julie, I’m--”
“It’s okay” I said, “I think…”
“Really?”
He was just as confused as I was at this point.
“I don’t know what to think right now” I said, “But I need someone”
He just placed his lips on mine again, and I wouldn’t let him stop. This made me forget my encounter with Mike, this made me forget about all my problems, he made me forget about everything around me.
He didn’t stop at kissing, he went full out, and we did it, right there on his living room floor, and the entire world just stopped.
“Mike…?” I said pulling my shirt over my head.
“Yah?”
“Does this change everything?” I asked.
His eyes stared straight into mine, and I knew he wouldn’t lie to me.
“Julie, you know this changes everything” he sighed.
“Do you--” I heard my phone ringing and I grabbed it off the coffee table while I passed Mike his shirt, “Hello?”
“Hey Jules”
“Mike…hi. I told you I would--”
“I want to take you out tonight”
“What?”
“I…want to take you out”
“I told you I wasn’t ready right now Mike. I told you I needed time”
He just sighed, “I thought maybe--”
“Not tonight…maybe in a few days”
“Okay…I guess I’ll wait”
“Bye”
I hung up the phone and looked at Mike, my best friend. I just had sex with my best friend. Who has a girlfriend. Oh my, what the hell am I doing?
I jumped up and grabbed my jeans and put them on. He just looked up at me funny as he grabbed his own pants, “What’s wrong?”
“Jen…Jen, shit, I can’t believe I--Jen”
“Julie…”
“No, she was my friend, I just had…sex with my best friend, who is also my friend’s boyfriend, Mike…I…I’m such a mess” I sat down on the couch and stared at the wall, “I’m a mess…”
“Jules, it’s going to be fine”
“We have to tell her”
“No!” he said quickly, “we can’t…not right now”
“What if she--”
“Mike?” I heard Jen come in the door and my heart started racing. I couldn’t run now, I was practically living here. She would know something was up, how was I going to live with her?
“Hey” he said gently kissing her cheek.
“How are you Julie?” she asked with a smile.
I smiled back at her as best I could, “I’m alright…Mike’s here though…in Montreal”
“You saw him?” she replied setting her things down, “That must have been rough”
“It was…”
“You okay?” she asked.
I looked at Mike and then back at Jen. She was so sweet, and I had just done the most unimaginable thing to her. I stood up and grabbed my phone, “I need to take a walk, I’ll be back in a bit”
First I leave the love of my life to start over. Then, without warning, as I’m getting over him, he shows up. Then because I’m so distraught, confused and angry, I have sex with my best friend, who has a girlfriend, who is also my friend. I’m a horrible person.
I felt my phone vibrate as I walked out of the house.
“Julie, what happened between us…you can’t tell anyone”
“Fine” I responded.
“I’m sorry”
“Did it mean anything?”
“Let’s just talk about it later…”
I shoved my phone in my pocket and kept walking. I didn’t know how I was going to show my face in that house again after what I did. She took me in, I was her guest, and how do I repay her? I don’t think I need to say it again. This is just really bad.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
seven - sounds like broken records playing over
Okays, this one started off well, but lately i haven't been getting any comments :( this story is really starting to develop and there's alot more twists to come, so pleaseeeeee comment and let me know what you think, kays? :)
The house felt more empty everyday without her. The spark she left in here was gone. There was no magic left. I missed her. Everything about her.
I need to get out of this house, do something, see someone.
Go after her, go find her.
I couldn’t, could I?
This girl has the potential to change me. Change my ways. Even though we’re both hot-tempered, physical, and just as blinded by this love, we were meant to be together. We always ended up getting back to each other somehow. It took less than a month to fall for this girl, she had something the other ones didn’t have. It’s been two weeks. I’m tired, I’m fed up, I need her. She keeps me sane, she keeps me in check.
I grabbed a bag, shoved whatever I could into it and grabbed my keys. I got to the airport and bought a last minute flight to Montreal. I didn’t care what it took, I was getting her back.
As I stepped out into the Montreal air, all those memories about playing here came back. What a series that was. What place this is to play. Also the same time I met Julie. It was the reason I met Julie.
I didn’t know where I was going, I didn’t have a place booked. I had no way of knowing where Mike lived. I think this was a bad idea. It could take me weeks…
I took a cab to the nearest hotel and crashed there. I was really surprised at myself for this. I’ve never went above and beyond for a girl. This wasn’t just any girl. This was the girl.
The hotel started to get a little crammed the longer I stayed in it. I needed some air. I grabbed my coat and decided to take a walk around the city. I also grabbed a hat and hid myself as best I could, I didn’t need anyone recognizing me. I didn’t want to die in this city I know that much.
I decided to text her. Maybe I could subtly ask her where she was without letting her know I was here. I don’t even know if she’d respond, or answer if I tried to call. I guess it was worth a shot.
I listened for her to answer. One ring, two rings, three rings--
“Hello?”
“Jules…”
“Uh…Mike…I wasn’t…Hi”
“How are you?”
“Good, how are you?”
“I’m alright” I sighed, “So what are you up to?”
“I’m just grabbing a coffee, taking a walk, you?”
“Same actually” I replied, “Starbuck I assume? Caramel Macchiato?”
“Yah…you actually remember…”
“I do…I remember a lot, I know you better than you think”
“Probably…so why did you call?”
“Wanted to hear your voice…is that okay?”
“Yes…that’s okay…”
I turned the corner and at first I thought I was dreaming, but she looked right at me…phone in hand, coffee in the other. It’s as if my feet were glued to the sidewalk, I froze.
“Mike?” she was suddenly standing about a foot away from me.
“Hi”
“What…why…what are you doing here?” she asked shaking her head, “You’re supposed to be in Philly, why are you in Montreal?”
“I came to get you back…”
“But I thought--I mean…”
“I couldn’t let you go like that. Everything was my fault. My hockey became more important than you. I put myself first. I took my anger out on you. It was all me”
“I have just as bad a temper as you…”
“I know…”
“We would have killed each other”
“I wouldn’t let that happen…”
“It doesn’t mean it wouldn’t” she replied looking down at her feet.
“I wouldn’t let it happen” I repeated, “please, come back home with me. The place is empty without you”
“My heart is empty without you…” she said quietly, “I’m empty without you. As much as it hurts to be with you sometimes, it hurts even more without you”
“Then please…just come back with me…”
“I can’t…not right now”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not ready. I need time to think. We just need some time apart okay?”
“I’m not leaving this city unless it’s with you…”
She just sighed, “Well I guess you’ll be waiting then”
“Fine”
“I need to go Mike, I’ll call you” she brushed past me and I just watched as she turned the corner and out of sight. I really did break her heart didn’t I?
The house felt more empty everyday without her. The spark she left in here was gone. There was no magic left. I missed her. Everything about her.
I need to get out of this house, do something, see someone.
Go after her, go find her.
I couldn’t, could I?
This girl has the potential to change me. Change my ways. Even though we’re both hot-tempered, physical, and just as blinded by this love, we were meant to be together. We always ended up getting back to each other somehow. It took less than a month to fall for this girl, she had something the other ones didn’t have. It’s been two weeks. I’m tired, I’m fed up, I need her. She keeps me sane, she keeps me in check.
I grabbed a bag, shoved whatever I could into it and grabbed my keys. I got to the airport and bought a last minute flight to Montreal. I didn’t care what it took, I was getting her back.
As I stepped out into the Montreal air, all those memories about playing here came back. What a series that was. What place this is to play. Also the same time I met Julie. It was the reason I met Julie.
I didn’t know where I was going, I didn’t have a place booked. I had no way of knowing where Mike lived. I think this was a bad idea. It could take me weeks…
I took a cab to the nearest hotel and crashed there. I was really surprised at myself for this. I’ve never went above and beyond for a girl. This wasn’t just any girl. This was the girl.
The hotel started to get a little crammed the longer I stayed in it. I needed some air. I grabbed my coat and decided to take a walk around the city. I also grabbed a hat and hid myself as best I could, I didn’t need anyone recognizing me. I didn’t want to die in this city I know that much.
I decided to text her. Maybe I could subtly ask her where she was without letting her know I was here. I don’t even know if she’d respond, or answer if I tried to call. I guess it was worth a shot.
I listened for her to answer. One ring, two rings, three rings--
“Hello?”
“Jules…”
“Uh…Mike…I wasn’t…Hi”
“How are you?”
“Good, how are you?”
“I’m alright” I sighed, “So what are you up to?”
“I’m just grabbing a coffee, taking a walk, you?”
“Same actually” I replied, “Starbuck I assume? Caramel Macchiato?”
“Yah…you actually remember…”
“I do…I remember a lot, I know you better than you think”
“Probably…so why did you call?”
“Wanted to hear your voice…is that okay?”
“Yes…that’s okay…”
I turned the corner and at first I thought I was dreaming, but she looked right at me…phone in hand, coffee in the other. It’s as if my feet were glued to the sidewalk, I froze.
“Mike?” she was suddenly standing about a foot away from me.
“Hi”
“What…why…what are you doing here?” she asked shaking her head, “You’re supposed to be in Philly, why are you in Montreal?”
“I came to get you back…”
“But I thought--I mean…”
“I couldn’t let you go like that. Everything was my fault. My hockey became more important than you. I put myself first. I took my anger out on you. It was all me”
“I have just as bad a temper as you…”
“I know…”
“We would have killed each other”
“I wouldn’t let that happen…”
“It doesn’t mean it wouldn’t” she replied looking down at her feet.
“I wouldn’t let it happen” I repeated, “please, come back home with me. The place is empty without you”
“My heart is empty without you…” she said quietly, “I’m empty without you. As much as it hurts to be with you sometimes, it hurts even more without you”
“Then please…just come back with me…”
“I can’t…not right now”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not ready. I need time to think. We just need some time apart okay?”
“I’m not leaving this city unless it’s with you…”
She just sighed, “Well I guess you’ll be waiting then”
“Fine”
“I need to go Mike, I’ll call you” she brushed past me and I just watched as she turned the corner and out of sight. I really did break her heart didn’t I?
Saturday, October 9, 2010
six - yesterday is over, it's a different day
It’s been two weeks. Mike didn’t win the Stanley Cup. Chicago did. I knew how devastated he would be right now. I was hurting for him. I hadn’t talked to him since the day I got here. But I still thought about him, everyday.
“Jules” Mike sighed, “You need to get out of the house”
“What am I supposed to do here?”
“Jen’s gone” he replied, “She’s gone back to Toronto for a bit, see the family”
“And your point is?”
“Let’s do something today, get lunch, go for a drive, anything to get you out of here”
“Fine” I mumbled, “Let me get dressed.
I put a pair of jeans on and Mike’s player shirt, so bright, and orange. I didn’t care. I pulled my hair back and put on some light makeup. I came out of the room and Mike just stared at me.
“What?”
“Do you want to get shot? Have you forgotten where you are?”
“Fine” I whined going back into my room. I grabbed a white v-neck t-shirt and a long gold necklace.
“Much better” he said as I came back out.
We ended up going to a small Italian place for lunch. I just got a plate of pasta and Mike was pretty silent. Not that I was saying much either.
“Okay” he said, “you’re my best friend, and I can’t stand seeing you so miserable, is there anything that will get your mind off of this, if only for a little while?”
I just sighed, “I don’t know” I shrugged, playing with the food on my plate, “maybe a movie?”
“Not if it means going back home”
“I tried” I smirked.
“There’s that smile I’ve been waiting to see”
I just smiled bigger and looked back down at my plate, “How about a drive? Some good music, good company? That’s the best I can do” I shrugged.
“Better than nothing” he replied.
He paid the bill and we took a walk back to the car.
“Why him?” he asked.
He caught me off guard with that one, “What?”
“You heard me” he replied.
“Mike, I just--he just came, I didn’t choose it, I just fell in love with him” I replied, “Why can’t you accept it”
“You deserve better”
“He is better than that. He does love me”
We got into the car and I grabbed his iPod as he started the car. I immediately played Van Morrision, we both had a soft spot for that band.
“Do you remember when we used to sing, sha la la la la la la la la” I sang. He just rolled his eyes and I laughed, “I love this song”
“Cast my memory back there, Lord, sometime I'm overcome thinking 'bout, making love in the green grass, behind the stadium with you, my brown eyed girl you my brown eyed girl” I kept singing, and I knew every word.
“Now where was this girl just a few days ago?” he asked turning down the volume.
“Guess I just needed to get out”
“I guess so” he smirked.
That’s all the day was. Driving around, listening to old music, singing along, and laughing, which I haven’t done in a long time. This is exactly what I needed.
We got back to the house and I collapsed onto the couch.
“So when’s Jen get back?” I asked flipping through the tv channels.
“Sunday”
“So we’re home free for a couple days” I joked.
He just chuckled and grabbed some water from the fridge. He sat down next to me and just smiled.
“I missed you”
“I’ve been right here” I replied.
“No, I missed you, the old you, the you I see right now. You’re eyes are glowing for a change, you’re happy, I missed that”
I felt my face flush red, “Well it’s good to be back”
“Jules” Mike sighed, “You need to get out of the house”
“What am I supposed to do here?”
“Jen’s gone” he replied, “She’s gone back to Toronto for a bit, see the family”
“And your point is?”
“Let’s do something today, get lunch, go for a drive, anything to get you out of here”
“Fine” I mumbled, “Let me get dressed.
I put a pair of jeans on and Mike’s player shirt, so bright, and orange. I didn’t care. I pulled my hair back and put on some light makeup. I came out of the room and Mike just stared at me.
“What?”
“Do you want to get shot? Have you forgotten where you are?”
“Fine” I whined going back into my room. I grabbed a white v-neck t-shirt and a long gold necklace.
“Much better” he said as I came back out.
We ended up going to a small Italian place for lunch. I just got a plate of pasta and Mike was pretty silent. Not that I was saying much either.
“Okay” he said, “you’re my best friend, and I can’t stand seeing you so miserable, is there anything that will get your mind off of this, if only for a little while?”
I just sighed, “I don’t know” I shrugged, playing with the food on my plate, “maybe a movie?”
“Not if it means going back home”
“I tried” I smirked.
“There’s that smile I’ve been waiting to see”
I just smiled bigger and looked back down at my plate, “How about a drive? Some good music, good company? That’s the best I can do” I shrugged.
“Better than nothing” he replied.
He paid the bill and we took a walk back to the car.
“Why him?” he asked.
He caught me off guard with that one, “What?”
“You heard me” he replied.
“Mike, I just--he just came, I didn’t choose it, I just fell in love with him” I replied, “Why can’t you accept it”
“You deserve better”
“He is better than that. He does love me”
We got into the car and I grabbed his iPod as he started the car. I immediately played Van Morrision, we both had a soft spot for that band.
“Do you remember when we used to sing, sha la la la la la la la la” I sang. He just rolled his eyes and I laughed, “I love this song”
“Cast my memory back there, Lord, sometime I'm overcome thinking 'bout, making love in the green grass, behind the stadium with you, my brown eyed girl you my brown eyed girl” I kept singing, and I knew every word.
“Now where was this girl just a few days ago?” he asked turning down the volume.
“Guess I just needed to get out”
“I guess so” he smirked.
That’s all the day was. Driving around, listening to old music, singing along, and laughing, which I haven’t done in a long time. This is exactly what I needed.
We got back to the house and I collapsed onto the couch.
“So when’s Jen get back?” I asked flipping through the tv channels.
“Sunday”
“So we’re home free for a couple days” I joked.
He just chuckled and grabbed some water from the fridge. He sat down next to me and just smiled.
“I missed you”
“I’ve been right here” I replied.
“No, I missed you, the old you, the you I see right now. You’re eyes are glowing for a change, you’re happy, I missed that”
I felt my face flush red, “Well it’s good to be back”
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
five - when it's bad, it's awful
I got home, and surely, she was right. She was gone. I looked around the house, it’s like half of it was gone, it was half empty. There was barely a trace of her left. I went to the kitchen and saw a piece of paper on the table.
Mike, I thought about it, and I think it’s time we went our separate ways. We both know we’ll kill each other before we can be happy. You know I love you, and I’m sorry.
The anger build up inside me and I grabbed the empty vase on the counter and threw it across the room, listening as every piece shattered to the ground. I almost punched a hole through the wall.
All I could was go into the washroom and splash cold water on my face. I just looked in the mirror and sighed. What did I do?
The anger fired up again and all I could do was throw my fist at the mirror, smashing it to pieces. I’ve underestimated my strength.
I didn’t like to admit my feelings out loud. That’s probably what ultimately pushed her away in the first place. Right now, I was angry, sad, frustrated, and heartbroken. It hurt. She’s threatened to leave before, and never did. I never thought about the day where she might actually go through with it.
I grabbed my keys, full of passion, intensity and anger and drove myself to the rink. I didn’t care what time of day it was, this was the only thing that would calm me down.
I slipped on my skates and grabbed my stick. The place seemed so cold and empty without fans screaming and chanting. I grabbed a bucket of pucks and started shooting them at the net. With every shot, it seemed like I was hitting the puck harder and harder, until I heard a crack.
“Fuck” I mumbled under my breath as I looked at the glass behind the net.
“You’ve got quite a shot tonight” I heard a voice behind me. I turned around to see Jeff.
“Yah well, I guess anger can do that”
“Julie?” he asked.
“She left, she’s gone” I replied shooting another puck.
“Sorry to hear that” he replied.
“Yah…”
“This is how you plan to resolve the problem?” he asked skating onto the ice.
“What are you doing here tonight anyways?” I asked, avoiding the subject.
“Don’t change the subject”
“Coming here was my first instinct”
“It wasn’t to go after her?”
“Of course I thought about that!” I snapped, “But we’ve got a Stanley Cup to win, I can’t just up and leave for her”
“Dude, maybe that’s the reason she left”
“What?”
“You let hockey get in the way” he replied, “You put hockey before her”
I just sighed and shot another puck, “There’s not much I can do now”
“I’m not going to say another word” he replied slipping a puck away and shooting it, “this is your battle”
The truth is, I never thought about going after her. Which makes me seem even worse. Hockey has always been my life, and when she came into mine, I thought she’d understand that, but it just ended up being a wedge between us. It pushed her away, this is my fault. She deserves better.
I had to go after her, after the finals are over I will do everything in my power to get her back. I don’t care what it takes.
Mike, I thought about it, and I think it’s time we went our separate ways. We both know we’ll kill each other before we can be happy. You know I love you, and I’m sorry.
The anger build up inside me and I grabbed the empty vase on the counter and threw it across the room, listening as every piece shattered to the ground. I almost punched a hole through the wall.
All I could was go into the washroom and splash cold water on my face. I just looked in the mirror and sighed. What did I do?
The anger fired up again and all I could do was throw my fist at the mirror, smashing it to pieces. I’ve underestimated my strength.
I didn’t like to admit my feelings out loud. That’s probably what ultimately pushed her away in the first place. Right now, I was angry, sad, frustrated, and heartbroken. It hurt. She’s threatened to leave before, and never did. I never thought about the day where she might actually go through with it.
I grabbed my keys, full of passion, intensity and anger and drove myself to the rink. I didn’t care what time of day it was, this was the only thing that would calm me down.
I slipped on my skates and grabbed my stick. The place seemed so cold and empty without fans screaming and chanting. I grabbed a bucket of pucks and started shooting them at the net. With every shot, it seemed like I was hitting the puck harder and harder, until I heard a crack.
“Fuck” I mumbled under my breath as I looked at the glass behind the net.
“You’ve got quite a shot tonight” I heard a voice behind me. I turned around to see Jeff.
“Yah well, I guess anger can do that”
“Julie?” he asked.
“She left, she’s gone” I replied shooting another puck.
“Sorry to hear that” he replied.
“Yah…”
“This is how you plan to resolve the problem?” he asked skating onto the ice.
“What are you doing here tonight anyways?” I asked, avoiding the subject.
“Don’t change the subject”
“Coming here was my first instinct”
“It wasn’t to go after her?”
“Of course I thought about that!” I snapped, “But we’ve got a Stanley Cup to win, I can’t just up and leave for her”
“Dude, maybe that’s the reason she left”
“What?”
“You let hockey get in the way” he replied, “You put hockey before her”
I just sighed and shot another puck, “There’s not much I can do now”
“I’m not going to say another word” he replied slipping a puck away and shooting it, “this is your battle”
The truth is, I never thought about going after her. Which makes me seem even worse. Hockey has always been my life, and when she came into mine, I thought she’d understand that, but it just ended up being a wedge between us. It pushed her away, this is my fault. She deserves better.
I had to go after her, after the finals are over I will do everything in my power to get her back. I don’t care what it takes.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
four - i'm leaving you
Mike, I thought about it, and I think it’s time we went our separate ways. We both know we’ll kill each other before we can be happy. You know I love you, and I’m sorry.
My heart sank as I set the piece of paper on the table. It hurt beyond belief, but I couldn’t let my feelings get in the way again. This is best for both of us, we’ll just end up hurting each other beyond repair if we keep at this.
“Are you coming?” I heard my best friend’s voice.
“Yah Mike, just one minute”
Cammy, the best friend I’ve ever had. He knew everything that was going on with Mike. I knew he would gladly let me stay with him and Jen. So I called him, and he was in Philly the next morning.
I felt a hand on my back and I nearly jumped out of my skin, “Sorry, but we need to go”
“Yah…okay”
As the car pulled away, I could feel my heart breaking. Mike just glanced at me and sighed, “Jules, I know it hurts, but you know this is best”
“I know Mike, I just don’t want to hear it right now”
The rest of the ride was quiet. The plane ride was quick. The ride to Mike’s, was quiet again. My head hurt, I just couldn’t stop thinking about him.
I froze the moment I stepped in the doorway of Mike’s apartment. I couldn’t do this.
“This was a bad idea” I said.
“Julie…it’s okay” he replied reaching for my hand, “You’re going to be fine”
“But what if he--or what if--but--maybe he’ll--” I couldn’t even come up with a sentence.
“Jules” he said, “You need to come in”
“She okay?” Jen asked coming from the other room.
“Fine” I heard Mike say, “She just needs rest”
“No!” I exclaimed pulling my arm from his grasp, “I need Mike”
I ended up locking myself in the extra bedroom they had. Neither of them tried to fight me, they just left me alone, as it should be. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and immediately saw his picture and my eyes start to well up with tears.
“Mike?”
“Hey baby”
“Hi…” I did all I could to mask the fact that I was crying.
“You okay? You don’t sound like yourself”
“I’m fine” I replied, “Just not feeling good”
“I miss you” he simply said. By then I couldn’t help it, I just started sobbing.
“Jules…what’s the matter?”
“I left” I said amidst the tears, “I’m gone”
“What?”
“I went with Mike, I’m with him and Jen, until I get back on my feet”
“Julie! Why the hell--I thought we fixed this! I thought we were going to talk!” his voice started to get louder.
“I’m sorry, I’m tired of the fighting. We’ll end up hurting each other badly one of these days, and I can’t live with that”
“You know you make it way too difficult to love you sometimes!”
“Likewise!” I snapped back, “It hurts to love you, you know that?”
“You know what? Fine, if this is what you really want, then we’re done. There’s nothing more” I heard him hang up the phone and my heart officially snapped in half. Everything hurt.
“Jules…” I heard on the other side of the door, it was Jen.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Do I sound okay!?” I replied, “I just lost him, for good”
“I’m sorry”
“Just leave me alone, please”
Still in full clothing, I tucked myself under the covers of the bed and shut off the lamp. Tears soaked the pillow, until the point where I couldn’t breathe anymore. He is really gone.
I now regret doing everything. I regret writing that letter, leaving, and coming here. I regret it all. I don’t care how much it hurt being with him sometimes, it hurt more without him.
My heart sank as I set the piece of paper on the table. It hurt beyond belief, but I couldn’t let my feelings get in the way again. This is best for both of us, we’ll just end up hurting each other beyond repair if we keep at this.
“Are you coming?” I heard my best friend’s voice.
“Yah Mike, just one minute”
Cammy, the best friend I’ve ever had. He knew everything that was going on with Mike. I knew he would gladly let me stay with him and Jen. So I called him, and he was in Philly the next morning.
I felt a hand on my back and I nearly jumped out of my skin, “Sorry, but we need to go”
“Yah…okay”
As the car pulled away, I could feel my heart breaking. Mike just glanced at me and sighed, “Jules, I know it hurts, but you know this is best”
“I know Mike, I just don’t want to hear it right now”
The rest of the ride was quiet. The plane ride was quick. The ride to Mike’s, was quiet again. My head hurt, I just couldn’t stop thinking about him.
I froze the moment I stepped in the doorway of Mike’s apartment. I couldn’t do this.
“This was a bad idea” I said.
“Julie…it’s okay” he replied reaching for my hand, “You’re going to be fine”
“But what if he--or what if--but--maybe he’ll--” I couldn’t even come up with a sentence.
“Jules” he said, “You need to come in”
“She okay?” Jen asked coming from the other room.
“Fine” I heard Mike say, “She just needs rest”
“No!” I exclaimed pulling my arm from his grasp, “I need Mike”
I ended up locking myself in the extra bedroom they had. Neither of them tried to fight me, they just left me alone, as it should be. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and immediately saw his picture and my eyes start to well up with tears.
“Mike?”
“Hey baby”
“Hi…” I did all I could to mask the fact that I was crying.
“You okay? You don’t sound like yourself”
“I’m fine” I replied, “Just not feeling good”
“I miss you” he simply said. By then I couldn’t help it, I just started sobbing.
“Jules…what’s the matter?”
“I left” I said amidst the tears, “I’m gone”
“What?”
“I went with Mike, I’m with him and Jen, until I get back on my feet”
“Julie! Why the hell--I thought we fixed this! I thought we were going to talk!” his voice started to get louder.
“I’m sorry, I’m tired of the fighting. We’ll end up hurting each other badly one of these days, and I can’t live with that”
“You know you make it way too difficult to love you sometimes!”
“Likewise!” I snapped back, “It hurts to love you, you know that?”
“You know what? Fine, if this is what you really want, then we’re done. There’s nothing more” I heard him hang up the phone and my heart officially snapped in half. Everything hurt.
“Jules…” I heard on the other side of the door, it was Jen.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Do I sound okay!?” I replied, “I just lost him, for good”
“I’m sorry”
“Just leave me alone, please”
Still in full clothing, I tucked myself under the covers of the bed and shut off the lamp. Tears soaked the pillow, until the point where I couldn’t breathe anymore. He is really gone.
I now regret doing everything. I regret writing that letter, leaving, and coming here. I regret it all. I don’t care how much it hurt being with him sometimes, it hurt more without him.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
three - they say it's best to go your separate ways
I sat on the front step of the house, watching the sky get darker and darker, waiting to hear his footsteps come up the walk. I was mad at him, yes, fed up, yes, annoyed, yes, but I still loved him.
Finally, as it was almost pitch black, he came back, in his game day suit. He was holding something behind his back. He kneeled down to my level and held out a little stuffed bear, and then a single daisy in his other hand. I took them both from his hand. He knew all the little things, he knew what got to me.
I just stared at him and then down at the bear, he made his way back into the house and I sat there, holding the bear my chest as tears streamed down my cheek. The common sense tells me I don’t need him, but the other side loves him, too much for my own good.
I stood up and walked back into the house, placing the bear on the kitchen table. I walked into the living room and saw him sitting on the couch. I watched for a moment, as I leaned against the doorframe, it was a moment before he realized I was there.
“Hi…”
“I’m sorry” I replied.
“I’m sorry too…I was stupid”
“You know I love you Mike”
“I love you too…”
“Why do we have to almost kill each other to realize it?” I sighed.
“I don’t know…”
“Well…I think right now is a good time to maybe just take a break. You’ve got your Stanley Cup to win, and when you’re back, we’ll talk”
“If that’s what you want”
“If you want this to work, you’ll want it to”
He just sighed, “Alright then”
“How’d the game go?” I asked, “I can’t say I watched”
“We won, 5-3” he replied.
“You tied it…I’m happy for you” I smiled.
“Thanks”
The rest of the night was quiet. He was leaving tomorrow for game 5, in Chicago. I didn’t know what was going to happen after he got back, I didn’t know if I’d even be here when he got back.
It was 8am, my eyes slowly opened and I felt someone next to me. I turned over and there he was, as if nothing even happened last night. I stood up trying not to wake him, but was unsuccessful.
“Morning”
“Hi” I simply replied as I threw on a pair of shorts.
“Sorry, I could have slept on the couch…”
“No, it’s fine, it’s a little late for that now” I walked out into the kitchen and pulled a can of coffee out of the cupboard.
I heard him come out of the bedroom and stop in the kitchen. He was staring at me, I could feel his eyes burning through me. I simply turned around and looked back at him. Even though at the moment we were not together.
“You don’t have to make it awkward” he said.
“I’m not” I snapped, “I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”
“You act like nothing happened”
“Shouldn’t we?” I replied, “Shouldn’t we forget it happened at all?”
“It’s a little hard”
“Either way, we need time away from each other”
“We’ve been together for less than a month”
“And how much of that month did we spend apart?”
He was silent.
“Not a whole lot” I replied, “we’ve constantly been together, and I think we need a break”
“Fine then”
“Fine”
I turned back around and finished making the pot of coffee, as I heard him go back into the room to get his things ready to leave. I didn’t show it, but everything inside hurt. Everything was telling me to just apologize and let it be, but I wasn’t giving in that easily.
I watched him open the door and turn around to look at me. Neither of us said a word. He was only gone for a couple days, but a lot can happen in a couple days. He just sighed and shut the door behind him. I couldn’t not say anything. I ran to the door and opened it standing on the front porch.
“Mike!”
He turned around and stared for a minute, “Yah?”
“Good luck”
He just smirked and nodded, “Bye Jules”
“Bye”
Finally, as it was almost pitch black, he came back, in his game day suit. He was holding something behind his back. He kneeled down to my level and held out a little stuffed bear, and then a single daisy in his other hand. I took them both from his hand. He knew all the little things, he knew what got to me.
I just stared at him and then down at the bear, he made his way back into the house and I sat there, holding the bear my chest as tears streamed down my cheek. The common sense tells me I don’t need him, but the other side loves him, too much for my own good.
I stood up and walked back into the house, placing the bear on the kitchen table. I walked into the living room and saw him sitting on the couch. I watched for a moment, as I leaned against the doorframe, it was a moment before he realized I was there.
“Hi…”
“I’m sorry” I replied.
“I’m sorry too…I was stupid”
“You know I love you Mike”
“I love you too…”
“Why do we have to almost kill each other to realize it?” I sighed.
“I don’t know…”
“Well…I think right now is a good time to maybe just take a break. You’ve got your Stanley Cup to win, and when you’re back, we’ll talk”
“If that’s what you want”
“If you want this to work, you’ll want it to”
He just sighed, “Alright then”
“How’d the game go?” I asked, “I can’t say I watched”
“We won, 5-3” he replied.
“You tied it…I’m happy for you” I smiled.
“Thanks”
The rest of the night was quiet. He was leaving tomorrow for game 5, in Chicago. I didn’t know what was going to happen after he got back, I didn’t know if I’d even be here when he got back.
It was 8am, my eyes slowly opened and I felt someone next to me. I turned over and there he was, as if nothing even happened last night. I stood up trying not to wake him, but was unsuccessful.
“Morning”
“Hi” I simply replied as I threw on a pair of shorts.
“Sorry, I could have slept on the couch…”
“No, it’s fine, it’s a little late for that now” I walked out into the kitchen and pulled a can of coffee out of the cupboard.
I heard him come out of the bedroom and stop in the kitchen. He was staring at me, I could feel his eyes burning through me. I simply turned around and looked back at him. Even though at the moment we were not together.
“You don’t have to make it awkward” he said.
“I’m not” I snapped, “I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”
“You act like nothing happened”
“Shouldn’t we?” I replied, “Shouldn’t we forget it happened at all?”
“It’s a little hard”
“Either way, we need time away from each other”
“We’ve been together for less than a month”
“And how much of that month did we spend apart?”
He was silent.
“Not a whole lot” I replied, “we’ve constantly been together, and I think we need a break”
“Fine then”
“Fine”
I turned back around and finished making the pot of coffee, as I heard him go back into the room to get his things ready to leave. I didn’t show it, but everything inside hurt. Everything was telling me to just apologize and let it be, but I wasn’t giving in that easily.
I watched him open the door and turn around to look at me. Neither of us said a word. He was only gone for a couple days, but a lot can happen in a couple days. He just sighed and shut the door behind him. I couldn’t not say anything. I ran to the door and opened it standing on the front porch.
“Mike!”
He turned around and stared for a minute, “Yah?”
“Good luck”
He just smirked and nodded, “Bye Jules”
“Bye”
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
two - we're running right back, here we go again
June 4th, 2010
I sat on the couch as I saw him come into the apartment. I just smiled and turned my attention back to the paper I was writing. He leaned down across the couch and gently kissed me.
“What was that for?” I smirked.
“I missed you” he shrugged.
“You were only gone for a few hours”
I caught a glimpse of his arm as he pulled away from me, and grabbed it before it was out of reach.
Mike, call me, followed by a number. I looked down at it for a moment and back at him.
“You bastard”
“Julie, I--”
“Don’t try and talk your way out of this one” I snapped, “This time I’m done”
He grabbed my arm, swung me around and threw me up against the wall, “You’re not going anywhere”
“You’re going to make me stay?”
“You don’t want to leave” he whispered.
I pushed him off of me and went into the bedroom and he followed. I grabbed a bag from the closet and started throwing clothes into it.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m leaving you, plain and simple”
He grabbed me, threw me down on the bed and pinned me down, “You’re not going anywhere”
I struggled with him, but it was no use, he was too strong for me.
“I hate you”
“No you don’t”
“Yes I do, I fucking hate you” I snapped.
“Prove it”
All I did was lift my head up and spit in his face. That just made it worse and he slapped me across the face.
“You’re a pig and you’re pathetic!” I just threw all my strength into him and pushed him off of me.
“Fuck this” he replied.
“You know something Mike? You remember when we met? You remember what we were like? I didn’t even know what hit me when I met you, but I liked it. After two weeks we were already in each other’s faces. Now it hasn’t even been two months and were already physically ready to kill each other. I don’t know if I can do this anymore”
I made my way into the living room and sat on the couch. I heard him follow and sit beside me.
“You know I’m going to be gone the next few days?” he said.
“What’s your point?”
“I don’t want you hating me, I don’t want to have to think about that during this game”
“If that’s all you really care about right now, maybe it’s best you just go now”
“Julie, I--” I felt his hand on my back and I jumped up immediately.
“Don’t touch me! You had another woman’s number on your arm, and you expect me to just forgive and forget? I don’t fucking trust you anymore, I don’t even know if I did in the first place. Just go play your fucking hockey and win your damn Stanley Cup because it’s obviously more important than me”
I walked back into the bedroom and shut the door behind me, locking it in the process. I heard his fist bang on it for a few minutes, but I never answered.
I heard my phone on the bedside table and answered it before looking at who it was.
“Hello?”
“Jules?”
“Mike…how’s the offseason treating you?”
“Good, have you been crying?”
“A little”
“Mike again?”
“I’ll be fine, it’ll blow over, it always does”
“Julie, I’m worried about you” he sighed, “You need to end this”
“Don’t start that again Mike”
“Julie…”
“I can’t…”
I just hung up the phone and slowly stood up and opened the door.
“Who was that?” he asked.
“You know who it was” I snapped.
“You give me shit for this” he said pointing at his arm, “and you still talk to him, cry to him--”
“He’s my best friend!” I said shoving him, “I told you that when we met, you’ve known that”
He shoved me back and I slapped him across the face. He grabbed my wrist and threw me up against the wall with all his might. He went to punch me but almost punched through the wall instead.
“Like I said, you’re pathetic” I replied pushing him away from me.
I stood on the other side of the room and I could feel his eyes on me. I stared out the window at nothing. I heard him come up behind me and place his hand on my back, I didn’t jump, I just slowly moved away from him.
“I need some air” he said quietly.
“Fine”
I sat on the couch as I saw him come into the apartment. I just smiled and turned my attention back to the paper I was writing. He leaned down across the couch and gently kissed me.
“What was that for?” I smirked.
“I missed you” he shrugged.
“You were only gone for a few hours”
I caught a glimpse of his arm as he pulled away from me, and grabbed it before it was out of reach.
Mike, call me, followed by a number. I looked down at it for a moment and back at him.
“You bastard”
“Julie, I--”
“Don’t try and talk your way out of this one” I snapped, “This time I’m done”
He grabbed my arm, swung me around and threw me up against the wall, “You’re not going anywhere”
“You’re going to make me stay?”
“You don’t want to leave” he whispered.
I pushed him off of me and went into the bedroom and he followed. I grabbed a bag from the closet and started throwing clothes into it.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m leaving you, plain and simple”
He grabbed me, threw me down on the bed and pinned me down, “You’re not going anywhere”
I struggled with him, but it was no use, he was too strong for me.
“I hate you”
“No you don’t”
“Yes I do, I fucking hate you” I snapped.
“Prove it”
All I did was lift my head up and spit in his face. That just made it worse and he slapped me across the face.
“You’re a pig and you’re pathetic!” I just threw all my strength into him and pushed him off of me.
“Fuck this” he replied.
“You know something Mike? You remember when we met? You remember what we were like? I didn’t even know what hit me when I met you, but I liked it. After two weeks we were already in each other’s faces. Now it hasn’t even been two months and were already physically ready to kill each other. I don’t know if I can do this anymore”
I made my way into the living room and sat on the couch. I heard him follow and sit beside me.
“You know I’m going to be gone the next few days?” he said.
“What’s your point?”
“I don’t want you hating me, I don’t want to have to think about that during this game”
“If that’s all you really care about right now, maybe it’s best you just go now”
“Julie, I--” I felt his hand on my back and I jumped up immediately.
“Don’t touch me! You had another woman’s number on your arm, and you expect me to just forgive and forget? I don’t fucking trust you anymore, I don’t even know if I did in the first place. Just go play your fucking hockey and win your damn Stanley Cup because it’s obviously more important than me”
I walked back into the bedroom and shut the door behind me, locking it in the process. I heard his fist bang on it for a few minutes, but I never answered.
I heard my phone on the bedside table and answered it before looking at who it was.
“Hello?”
“Jules?”
“Mike…how’s the offseason treating you?”
“Good, have you been crying?”
“A little”
“Mike again?”
“I’ll be fine, it’ll blow over, it always does”
“Julie, I’m worried about you” he sighed, “You need to end this”
“Don’t start that again Mike”
“Julie…”
“I can’t…”
I just hung up the phone and slowly stood up and opened the door.
“Who was that?” he asked.
“You know who it was” I snapped.
“You give me shit for this” he said pointing at his arm, “and you still talk to him, cry to him--”
“He’s my best friend!” I said shoving him, “I told you that when we met, you’ve known that”
He shoved me back and I slapped him across the face. He grabbed my wrist and threw me up against the wall with all his might. He went to punch me but almost punched through the wall instead.
“Like I said, you’re pathetic” I replied pushing him away from me.
I stood on the other side of the room and I could feel his eyes on me. I stared out the window at nothing. I heard him come up behind me and place his hand on my back, I didn’t jump, I just slowly moved away from him.
“I need some air” he said quietly.
“Fine”
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