Tuesday, February 15, 2011

eleven - is it ever gonna be enough?

Guys, I'm on a rolllllllll, so I hope you enjoy this update :)


The new season started up, and things were different. But they were good, and I was happy. Really happy. For the first time in a long time.

It was late November, brisk, but nice and the Flyers were on a roll. They had played their first game against the Canadiens since the playoffs, and were shutout 3-0. But, the next week the Canadiens were here, and it was a completely different ball game.

"Good luck tonight" I said giving him a slight kiss as we parted ways in the arena.

I decided to go to Starbucks before the game, there was still a couple hours and I didn't feel like sitting in the box for two hours.


I should have known slipping out the back way was a bad idea.


"How are you?"

"I'm really good" I replied, "And you?"

"I miss you"

"I miss you too"

"Are you watching tonight?"

I just nodded, "I am"

"Well, good. Maybe we can--"

"Mike, no"

He just sighed, "Fine"

"Good luck"

He walked into the arena and I walked in the opposite direction, taking a quick look back, at the same time he did. I pulled Mike's keys from my pocket, fiddling them before opening the door. He always let me drive his car before the game, he knew I wouldn't be able to sit in there for two hours with the wives and girlfriends.

I felt a couple raindrops hit my cheek and sighed. I knew it was too warm for November, "Julie"

I turned around quickly, almost as quickly as the rain started, "Mike, what do you want now? I told you--"

"It's been almost two months since I've seen you, and you can barely say hi to me"

"It's weird"

"You know I told her"



I shouldn't be surprised, but I was and the fact that he didn't have her holding him back made it easier for him to move in, "And?"

"She's gone Julie"

"So what?"

"I'm not losing you to him"

"I'm not leaving him"

We were already soaked from the rain, and the water streamed down his face, and his eyes wouldn't direct away from me. He scanned my face, waiting for me to say something else, but nothing was coming out.

"He doesn't deserve you"

"He needs me"

"And I need you"

Almost as quickly as the words came out, his lips pressed to mine and I couldn't let him go. I still felt the rain streaming down my face, and I could taste it on his lips, "Cammy..."

He just smirked, "I miss hearing that"

"Why'd you do that?"

"You have to know that--"

"I have to go, I need to--you need to--you have a game"

"Julie, I--" I opened the driver's side door and turned around to him, "You need to go" I started the car and drove as far away from this arena as I could. I couldn't watch this game, I couldn't watch either of them. I couldn't face either of them.

I went home and paced the living room floor. I eventually sat down, and turned on the tv to ESPN, at least keep an eye on the score. I fell asleep, for who knows how long.

"Julie!" I heard the door open, and Mike's voice was angry, and immediately my heart started to race.

"In here"

He came in and stopped for a moment, staring at me. He could see it all over my face, and I could tell something happened.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't lie to me!" his voice raised again and I sat back.

"Please don't start yelling again"

"Then tell me what happened"

"It sounds like you already know"

"Don't play that game with me Julie"

"What did he tell you? What happened?"

"He chirped me, at the game. We almost got into it, he told me you slept with him"

I swallowed a lump in my throat, "How'd he say it?"

"What does it matter?"

"How did he say it Mike!?"

"Did she tell you about us? How she fucked me after you beat her up?"

My heart sank and the look in Mike's face was hard to explain. Sadness, anger, jealousy, disappointment.

"I'm sorry. We weren't together, I was upset, and Jen was gone. I didn't cheat on you"

"You still slept with him"

"I love you"

"Don't try that on me, if you did, you wouldn't have gone to another guy"

"I was mad at you" my eyes were brimmed with tears at this point, I couldn't even stand up from the couch.

"When did it happen?"

"The same day you called me...and asked me for coffee..."

"I can't even look at you"

"I wouldn't be talking Mike"

He slowly turned around and cocked his head to the side, "Excuse me?"

"You know how many times I didn't go to the cops, telling them I was being abused. How would it feel for the entire world to know that Mike Fucking Richards is a woman beater?"

He stood in the middle of the room speechless for a minute.

"I love you Mike, you need to know that, but there were days I was with you where you could have--you could have really hurt me"

"I'm better now"

"I know that, and what happened with Mike and I was a long time ago"

"So there's nothing?"


"I'm sorry"

"Aren't you always?"

Thursday, November 25, 2010

ten - i'm not falling apart

I woke up, sun gleaming in through the window. I sat up and already started feeling the effects of last night. I just smirked as i thought about it, and chuckled to myself as Mike came out of the washroom.

"What's so funny?" he asked throwing a shirt over his head.

"Nothing" I smiled shaking my head, "Nothing important"

I pulled my phone off the bedside table and saw a text from Cammy. I was gone all night, and he was wondering where I ended up. I replied back:

I'm with Mike

I tossed my phone to the end of the bed and he just smiled, "Okay...so are you coming home with me? Cause like I said I'm not--"

"I'll come" I said, "If you promise me that we're done with this"

"I promise"

"Really promise?"

He just placed a small kiss on my lips, "Really promise"

"Okay...I have to go back to Mike's...and get my stuff"

"You want me to come with you?"

"Um, you should wait outside..."

"If you say so" he shrugged.

I pulled my clothes on from last night and we walked down to Mike's place. I knocked on the door, and my heart already wanted to burst out of my chest. He wasn't going to like this.

"Hey Jules, what--why is he here?" the two of them glared at eachother for a minute until I nudged Cammy.

"I need to get my stuff..." I told him, "I'm going back home..."

"But, Julie I--"

"Don't argue with me, what's done is done"

Mike waited outside and Cammy helped me get my things together. It was silent until I zipped up my bag and set it on the floor, "Why?"

"Why what?" I sighed.

"Why are you going back with him?"

"I love him, you know that"

"You were set on getting over him, what changed your mind?"

"I was with him last night, he changed my mind"

I may have been a bit harsh with my tone, because the look on his face nearly broke my heart, "Mike, you know what happened between us...meant nothing"

He just mumbled something under his breath and looked back up at me, "What was that?" I said.

"It wasn't nothing to me..."

I took a step back and looked at him, "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, but since you got here, I've felt feelings I shouldn't..."

"Damn it Mike...that's not fair"

"I'm sorry, but it happens!"

I grabbed my bag and moved to the bedroom door, "I need to go"

"Please don't tell me you felt nothing, I know you didn't..."

I stopped in my tracks and turned around, "Don't put words in my mouth!"

"Oh come on Julie! I know you remember it clear as day, it was not nothing!"

I just sighed, "Maybe it wasn't exactly nothing, but you know what? He is the one I love, I don't have feelings for you Mike...I'm sorry" I walked to the front door and shut it behind me. Mike grabbed one of my bags and put it into the taxi he called.

"I'm sorry about that.." I sighed.


"The yelling..."

"Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine" I said as he wrapped his arms around me. He just kissed the top of my head and let me into the taxi. As he sat beside me I intertwined my fingers with his and rested my head on his shoulder, "Thank you"

"For what?"

"For not giving up on me"

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

nine - when it's going good, it's going great

Mike finally convinced me to come back to the apartment to talk, Jen was out running some errands. I was so confused right now.

“You know this is a big deal” I said.

“I know…”

“I mean, a big deal Mike”

“It is…” he nodded.

“Can you say more than two words please? You’re not giving me anything to work with”

“It was just one of those things Julie, my emotions got the best of me, it was in the moment” he replied, “It’s not like it…meant anything”

That pause made something seem untrue about it, but at the time, it wasn’t really something that mattered. It didn’t mean anything, he said it.

“Yah…it…meant nothing to me either”

“I do love Jen, and I just think if she found out…it could be the end of us”

“I can’t keep this from her” I said, “She’s still my friend, even if she hates me forever”

“I can’t lose her…”

“But you’re willing to lose me?”

He was silent for a moment, I just gave him an ultimatum. I didn’t mean to do that.

“You’re making me choose?”

“Come on Mike, you really think our friendship can be the same after that? Even you said that”

“Um, I guess you’re right”

“I don’t mean to make you choose, but…I’m a terrible person…” I sighed.

“No, you’re not” he replied, “I can…see where you’re coming from, I guess”

“I don’t know what to do” I frowned, “Seeing Mike just threw me off”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“You know he’d probably try to kill you…”

“I doubt he would, you really think he’d put his career in jeopardy?”

I just sighed, “This is such a mess…”

“I know” he replied, “But it will be fine” he just reached out for a hug and I melted into him as he wrapped his arms around me.

“I really hope you’re right”

“I always am” he replied.

I looked up at him and smirked. He just laughed and let go of me. I sat down on the couch while Mike went to the kitchen to grab a drink.

“I bet you can’t wait to get back to training”

“I love the off season” he replied, “and I take it for granted sometimes, but I’m really starting to get bored”

I just smirked, “Well you won’t be saying that in a month’s time”

“You’re probably right” he laughed. I heard the door open and Jen walked in. My expression immediately fell and my heart started racing. She was so perfect. Perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect skin. The girl was absolutely beautiful, and I was just some average kid, with average everything and I slept with her boyfriend.

“I’m going to take a walk” I quickly said.

“You okay?” Jen asked.

“I’m fine” I replied, “I just need some air”

I shut the door behind me and walked as far away as I could. The guilt was overwhelming right now, and I didn’t know what to do, or even where to go at this point. I saw a hotel, and I immediately knew that’s where Mike was staying. I’ve been such a jerk to him, I could at least talk to him, there’s not really much harm in that.

I found his number and scrolled down to it, listening to the rings, one, two, three…


“Where are you staying?”


“Because I want to see you”

There was silence on the other end for a moment.


“You know you’re welcome anytime Jules…” he said, “And I’m staying in the hotel the visiting teams always stay in…room”

I hung up and walked the few blocks down to the hotel. I walked into the lobby and walked towards the front desk. “Mike Richards” I simply said.

“Um…room 367”

“Thank you”

I looked around frantically for the elevator and practically ran into it and pressed the button for the third floor. I looked at the sign as I stepped out and ran down the hall to his room and knocked.

He opened the door, standing there in just sweats and a Flyers t-shirt. I didn’t say anything to him as I tried to catch my breath, he just stared at me, and I couldn’t help myself.

“Mike…take off that ugly t-shirt…now”

As if he knew what I was going to say, he pulled the shirt over his head quickly, without saying a word, and tossed it to the floor. I didn’t know where this was coming from, but I wanted him.

“Okay, are you--” I cut him off by pushing him into the room and shutting the door.

“No talking…”

He picked me up and threw me up against the wall. His lips landed on mine forcefully, but I liked it. We’ve never been like this with each other, not even when we were together. This was rough, hot, angry sex.

We peeled off each other’s clothes quickly and landed on the bed. Everything about this felt good, even if I didn’t plan on it coming here. Okay…maybe I thought about it, but I didn’t think it would happen.

His kisses were sloppy, his hands were everywhere, and heart was racing a mile a minute. I couldn’t even keep up with my thoughts at this point.

Our bodies moved together in perfect rhythm, and I’ve never seen him like this before.

“Oh my God…Mike…”

He stopped for a moment and looked down at me, “You want me?”

“I want all of you” I whispered.

“Okay…no more talking”

I just smirked as he went down on me again, I’ve never felt so much pain and pleasure at one time…

He pulled away from me, hot and sweaty. All I could hear was his breathing, “Holy shit…”

I don’t think either of us even knew what had just happened, I know I didn’t.

I looked over at him and all he did was lean in and kiss me, “I never knew you had that in you”

“Right back at you”

“So…what now?”

I just grabbed the covers of the bed and pulled them over me, “Can we not think about that right now” I said moving closer to him and resting my head on his chest.

I felt his arms wrap around me and kiss the top of my head, “If you say so”

Thursday, November 4, 2010

eight - i'm tired of the games

This may be confusing, but there is two Mike's in this story, in case you were confused haha. I know it wasn't my best choice, but uh...it was in the moment, and I didn't look back. So yes, enjoy!

Seeing him was surreal, it felt like a dream. I was finally starting to get my life back on track, and he shows up. Now what was I supposed to do?

“Jules?” I was sitting on the floor of my best friend’s apartment, bawling my eyes out.

“What?” I huffed.

“What happened?” he asked kneeling down to my level.

“He’s here…in Montreal”


“I saw him, right in front of my face Cams” I said, “What do I do now?”

He sat beside me and I just rested my head on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around me to keep me close to him. I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t know what was coming over me.

“You know, I was finally starting to feel better, I was getting over him, and then he shows up, just like that…”

“I know” he said quietly, kissing the top of my head.

My head was spinning in a million different directions, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t know what to say. I looked up at Mike and his dark eyes were full of concern, he was so worried about me.



His lips suddenly brushed against mine and my heart stopped. I had to admit, at this point any kind of attention felt good, and his lips on mine…felt even better.

“Whoa…” I said quietly.

“Julie, I’m--”

“It’s okay” I said, “I think…”


He was just as confused as I was at this point.

“I don’t know what to think right now” I said, “But I need someone”

He just placed his lips on mine again, and I wouldn’t let him stop. This made me forget my encounter with Mike, this made me forget about all my problems, he made me forget about everything around me.

He didn’t stop at kissing, he went full out, and we did it, right there on his living room floor, and the entire world just stopped.

“Mike…?” I said pulling my shirt over my head.


“Does this change everything?” I asked.

His eyes stared straight into mine, and I knew he wouldn’t lie to me.

“Julie, you know this changes everything” he sighed.

“Do you--” I heard my phone ringing and I grabbed it off the coffee table while I passed Mike his shirt, “Hello?”

“Hey Jules”

“Mike…hi. I told you I would--”

“I want to take you out tonight”


“I…want to take you out”

“I told you I wasn’t ready right now Mike. I told you I needed time”

He just sighed, “I thought maybe--”

“Not tonight…maybe in a few days”

“Okay…I guess I’ll wait”


I hung up the phone and looked at Mike, my best friend. I just had sex with my best friend. Who has a girlfriend. Oh my, what the hell am I doing?

I jumped up and grabbed my jeans and put them on. He just looked up at me funny as he grabbed his own pants, “What’s wrong?”

“Jen…Jen, shit, I can’t believe I--Jen”


“No, she was my friend, I just had…sex with my best friend, who is also my friend’s boyfriend, Mike…I…I’m such a mess” I sat down on the couch and stared at the wall, “I’m a mess…”

“Jules, it’s going to be fine”

“We have to tell her”

“No!” he said quickly, “we can’t…not right now”

“What if she--”

“Mike?” I heard Jen come in the door and my heart started racing. I couldn’t run now, I was practically living here. She would know something was up, how was I going to live with her?

“Hey” he said gently kissing her cheek.

“How are you Julie?” she asked with a smile.

I smiled back at her as best I could, “I’m alright…Mike’s here though…in Montreal”

“You saw him?” she replied setting her things down, “That must have been rough”

“It was…”

“You okay?” she asked.

I looked at Mike and then back at Jen. She was so sweet, and I had just done the most unimaginable thing to her. I stood up and grabbed my phone, “I need to take a walk, I’ll be back in a bit”

First I leave the love of my life to start over. Then, without warning, as I’m getting over him, he shows up. Then because I’m so distraught, confused and angry, I have sex with my best friend, who has a girlfriend, who is also my friend. I’m a horrible person.

I felt my phone vibrate as I walked out of the house.

“Julie, what happened between us…you can’t tell anyone”

“Fine” I responded.

“I’m sorry”

“Did it mean anything?”

“Let’s just talk about it later…”

I shoved my phone in my pocket and kept walking. I didn’t know how I was going to show my face in that house again after what I did. She took me in, I was her guest, and how do I repay her? I don’t think I need to say it again. This is just really bad.

Friday, October 15, 2010

seven - sounds like broken records playing over

Okays, this one started off well, but lately i haven't been getting any comments :( this story is really starting to develop and there's alot more twists to come, so pleaseeeeee comment and let me know what you think, kays? :)

The house felt more empty everyday without her. The spark she left in here was gone. There was no magic left. I missed her. Everything about her.

I need to get out of this house, do something, see someone.

Go after her, go find her.

I couldn’t, could I?

This girl has the potential to change me. Change my ways. Even though we’re both hot-tempered, physical, and just as blinded by this love, we were meant to be together. We always ended up getting back to each other somehow. It took less than a month to fall for this girl, she had something the other ones didn’t have. It’s been two weeks. I’m tired, I’m fed up, I need her. She keeps me sane, she keeps me in check.

I grabbed a bag, shoved whatever I could into it and grabbed my keys. I got to the airport and bought a last minute flight to Montreal. I didn’t care what it took, I was getting her back.

As I stepped out into the Montreal air, all those memories about playing here came back. What a series that was. What place this is to play. Also the same time I met Julie. It was the reason I met Julie.

I didn’t know where I was going, I didn’t have a place booked. I had no way of knowing where Mike lived. I think this was a bad idea. It could take me weeks…

I took a cab to the nearest hotel and crashed there. I was really surprised at myself for this. I’ve never went above and beyond for a girl. This wasn’t just any girl. This was the girl.

The hotel started to get a little crammed the longer I stayed in it. I needed some air. I grabbed my coat and decided to take a walk around the city. I also grabbed a hat and hid myself as best I could, I didn’t need anyone recognizing me. I didn’t want to die in this city I know that much.

I decided to text her. Maybe I could subtly ask her where she was without letting her know I was here. I don’t even know if she’d respond, or answer if I tried to call. I guess it was worth a shot.

I listened for her to answer. One ring, two rings, three rings--



“Uh…Mike…I wasn’t…Hi”

“How are you?”

“Good, how are you?”

“I’m alright” I sighed, “So what are you up to?”

“I’m just grabbing a coffee, taking a walk, you?”

“Same actually” I replied, “Starbuck I assume? Caramel Macchiato?”

“Yah…you actually remember…”

“I do…I remember a lot, I know you better than you think”

“Probably…so why did you call?”

“Wanted to hear your voice…is that okay?”

“Yes…that’s okay…”

I turned the corner and at first I thought I was dreaming, but she looked right at me…phone in hand, coffee in the other. It’s as if my feet were glued to the sidewalk, I froze.

“Mike?” she was suddenly standing about a foot away from me.


“What…why…what are you doing here?” she asked shaking her head, “You’re supposed to be in Philly, why are you in Montreal?”

“I came to get you back…”

“But I thought--I mean…”

“I couldn’t let you go like that. Everything was my fault. My hockey became more important than you. I put myself first. I took my anger out on you. It was all me”

“I have just as bad a temper as you…”

“I know…”

“We would have killed each other”

“I wouldn’t let that happen…”

“It doesn’t mean it wouldn’t” she replied looking down at her feet.

“I wouldn’t let it happen” I repeated, “please, come back home with me. The place is empty without you”

“My heart is empty without you…” she said quietly, “I’m empty without you. As much as it hurts to be with you sometimes, it hurts even more without you”

“Then please…just come back with me…”

“I can’t…not right now”


“Because I’m not ready. I need time to think. We just need some time apart okay?”

“I’m not leaving this city unless it’s with you…”

She just sighed, “Well I guess you’ll be waiting then”


“I need to go Mike, I’ll call you” she brushed past me and I just watched as she turned the corner and out of sight. I really did break her heart didn’t I?

Saturday, October 9, 2010

six - yesterday is over, it's a different day

It’s been two weeks. Mike didn’t win the Stanley Cup. Chicago did. I knew how devastated he would be right now. I was hurting for him. I hadn’t talked to him since the day I got here. But I still thought about him, everyday.

“Jules” Mike sighed, “You need to get out of the house”

“What am I supposed to do here?”

“Jen’s gone” he replied, “She’s gone back to Toronto for a bit, see the family”

“And your point is?”

“Let’s do something today, get lunch, go for a drive, anything to get you out of here”

“Fine” I mumbled, “Let me get dressed.

I put a pair of jeans on and Mike’s player shirt, so bright, and orange. I didn’t care. I pulled my hair back and put on some light makeup. I came out of the room and Mike just stared at me.


“Do you want to get shot? Have you forgotten where you are?”

“Fine” I whined going back into my room. I grabbed a white v-neck t-shirt and a long gold necklace.

“Much better” he said as I came back out.

We ended up going to a small Italian place for lunch. I just got a plate of pasta and Mike was pretty silent. Not that I was saying much either.

“Okay” he said, “you’re my best friend, and I can’t stand seeing you so miserable, is there anything that will get your mind off of this, if only for a little while?”

I just sighed, “I don’t know” I shrugged, playing with the food on my plate, “maybe a movie?”

“Not if it means going back home”

“I tried” I smirked.

“There’s that smile I’ve been waiting to see”

I just smiled bigger and looked back down at my plate, “How about a drive? Some good music, good company? That’s the best I can do” I shrugged.

“Better than nothing” he replied.

He paid the bill and we took a walk back to the car.

“Why him?” he asked.

He caught me off guard with that one, “What?”

“You heard me” he replied.

“Mike, I just--he just came, I didn’t choose it, I just fell in love with him” I replied, “Why can’t you accept it”

“You deserve better”

“He is better than that. He does love me”

We got into the car and I grabbed his iPod as he started the car. I immediately played Van Morrision, we both had a soft spot for that band.

“Do you remember when we used to sing, sha la la la la la la la la” I sang. He just rolled his eyes and I laughed, “I love this song”

“Cast my memory back there, Lord, sometime I'm overcome thinking 'bout, making love in the green grass, behind the stadium with you, my brown eyed girl you my brown eyed girl” I kept singing, and I knew every word.

“Now where was this girl just a few days ago?” he asked turning down the volume.

“Guess I just needed to get out”

“I guess so” he smirked.

That’s all the day was. Driving around, listening to old music, singing along, and laughing, which I haven’t done in a long time. This is exactly what I needed.

We got back to the house and I collapsed onto the couch.

“So when’s Jen get back?” I asked flipping through the tv channels.


“So we’re home free for a couple days” I joked.

He just chuckled and grabbed some water from the fridge. He sat down next to me and just smiled.

“I missed you”

“I’ve been right here” I replied.

“No, I missed you, the old you, the you I see right now. You’re eyes are glowing for a change, you’re happy, I missed that”

I felt my face flush red, “Well it’s good to be back”

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

five - when it's bad, it's awful

I got home, and surely, she was right. She was gone. I looked around the house, it’s like half of it was gone, it was half empty. There was barely a trace of her left. I went to the kitchen and saw a piece of paper on the table.

Mike, I thought about it, and I think it’s time we went our separate ways. We both know we’ll kill each other before we can be happy. You know I love you, and I’m sorry.

The anger build up inside me and I grabbed the empty vase on the counter and threw it across the room, listening as every piece shattered to the ground. I almost punched a hole through the wall.

All I could was go into the washroom and splash cold water on my face. I just looked in the mirror and sighed. What did I do?

The anger fired up again and all I could do was throw my fist at the mirror, smashing it to pieces. I’ve underestimated my strength.

I didn’t like to admit my feelings out loud. That’s probably what ultimately pushed her away in the first place. Right now, I was angry, sad, frustrated, and heartbroken. It hurt. She’s threatened to leave before, and never did. I never thought about the day where she might actually go through with it.

I grabbed my keys, full of passion, intensity and anger and drove myself to the rink. I didn’t care what time of day it was, this was the only thing that would calm me down.

I slipped on my skates and grabbed my stick. The place seemed so cold and empty without fans screaming and chanting. I grabbed a bucket of pucks and started shooting them at the net. With every shot, it seemed like I was hitting the puck harder and harder, until I heard a crack.

“Fuck” I mumbled under my breath as I looked at the glass behind the net.

“You’ve got quite a shot tonight” I heard a voice behind me. I turned around to see Jeff.

“Yah well, I guess anger can do that”

“Julie?” he asked.

“She left, she’s gone” I replied shooting another puck.

“Sorry to hear that” he replied.


“This is how you plan to resolve the problem?” he asked skating onto the ice.

“What are you doing here tonight anyways?” I asked, avoiding the subject.

“Don’t change the subject”

“Coming here was my first instinct”

“It wasn’t to go after her?”

“Of course I thought about that!” I snapped, “But we’ve got a Stanley Cup to win, I can’t just up and leave for her”

“Dude, maybe that’s the reason she left”


“You let hockey get in the way” he replied, “You put hockey before her”

I just sighed and shot another puck, “There’s not much I can do now”

“I’m not going to say another word” he replied slipping a puck away and shooting it, “this is your battle”

The truth is, I never thought about going after her. Which makes me seem even worse. Hockey has always been my life, and when she came into mine, I thought she’d understand that, but it just ended up being a wedge between us. It pushed her away, this is my fault. She deserves better.

I had to go after her, after the finals are over I will do everything in my power to get her back. I don’t care what it takes.